PWC (aka The Lord of the Penis)

I have this group of friends that’s primarily gay Asian guys (which you should have assumed by this point), and one of the first times I was hanging with them at a bar, they started throwing around the term “PWC”. Saying it, mouthing it, spelling it out with hand symbols… I had no idea what the hell was going on, and it wasn’t just because I was a few Tokyo Teas deep at that point.

As we’ve all probably experienced, when people spend vast, borderline-unhealthy amounts of time with the same small group of friends, they start to develop their own unique language — a language that makes perfect sense to anyone in the group but makes about as much sense as gay Republicans to outsiders (FULL DISCLOSURE: I did recently vote for a gay Republican).

It’s a fantastic communication tool as it can be used to convey complex and elaborate thoughts with a concise expression that everyone in the group immediately understands. It can also be used to talk shit about people around you without them knowing.  It’s so totally high school… and so totally awesome.

Now, among that group of friends who coined PWC, I’m really more of a tangential member. That is, I’m good friends with one of the guys and thru him I’ve gotten to know the others, but it’s not really my clique; and therefore, I don’t speak their language.

After about their 48th use of the term “PWC” in no more than 5 minutes, it became clear that they were talking about me, so I had to ask what it meant. But, as any loyal group of friends should, they protected their secret.

A couple days later, after they’d had their fun, my friend fessed up. PWC, he explained, stands for Power of the White Cock.

I know what you must be thinking… But no, it has nothing to do with the Chinese Zodiac.

Year of the Cock

(Not Pictured: PWC)

It meant that, as they saw it, the reason I was getting attention from Asian guys at the bar that night was the mystical allure of my caucasian junk.

I’ve gotta admit, the idea of waving my penis like some sort of magical meat wand and making Asians fall madly in love with me was at first kinda badass…

Harry Potter Dildo

Be mine!

…until I realized it was totally a backhanded compliment.  They were suggesting that all I have to offer, and the only reason Asian guys are ever interested in me, is the PWC.

While I certainly won’t fight them on the assumption that my cock is both powerful and white, I’d like to think at least a portion of the attention I get from guys is due to something more substantial like my personality, or my sense of humor, or my 8-pack abs and Beverly Hills mansion (this is an anonymous blog, I don’t have to prove anything!).

But the more time I spent thinking about the PWC, the more it grew on me, and as I fleshed out the mythology of this supposed power, it became harder to deny its appeal, so I finally came around to accepting it.

I’ll stop.

Boner.

Sorry, now I’ll really stop…

What I realized was that PWC is actually the perfect premise for a fantasy franchise. Like everyone knows who’s sat through The Lord of the Rings trilogy (you’ll never get that half a day of your life back, by the way), the strongest magic comes with the strongest curse.

Because while the PWC might cause Asians to become madly and inexplicably attracted to me, I, at the same time, become madly and inexplicably attracted to them.  It’s my burden to bear that I can’t walk past an Asian guy without checking him out, or that I find being leered at from across the bar flattering from an Asian guy and creepy from anyone else, or that 99% of my porn collection isn’t in English (which is disappointing, because I really feel like I’m missing out on the character development).

So, just to summarize:
PWC causes gay Asian guys to want me
PWC causes me to want gay Asian guys
PWC causes gay Asian guys and me to interact wherever we may hypothetically cross paths (an art museum, a bookstore, the first bathroom stall on the left at Micky’s during after hours on a Friday night, etc.)

I used to think that the reason I have good luck meeting Asian guys who like white guys was the logical result of mutual attraction — but I was wrong. Thanks to that group of friends, I now know better.  It’s not logic, it’s magic.  It’s the PWC.  It’s… my precious.

Comments

comments

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7 Responses to PWC (aka The Lord of the Penis)

  1. Michael says:

    But what happens when there’s a failure of the PWC?

    Is there a long term vs. short term valuation in this, like Krytonite half lives?

  2. Pingback: Expand Your Queercabulary: Potato Queen, Sticky Rice | Confessions of a Rice Queen

  3. Pingback: “Let’s Talk About Your Penis.” – My Therapist | I AM YELLOW PERIL

  4. gjc15 says:

    well this comment doesnt have to do with this specific post…but I just wanted to say that I am so happy I found your blog 😀
    As a fellow rice queen, its nice to know I am not alone. I sadly live at the moment in a country that has little to no Asian population and the few that are here tend to be very religious Christians that are the antithesis to gay. So I am probably one of the only rice queens in this whole country!
    Nice to hear (read) about similar gays 🙂
    keep posting!

  5. gjc15 says:

    it is! but i spent the summer in Vietnam. That was paradise 🙂

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