Coming Out as a Rice Queen

A lot has happened in my life in the past 140 days…

For one thing, I came out!

Not the big “coming out” with glitter and boas and jazz hands and my mom crying (that was several years ago), but about a month ago, I came out to one group of friends… as a rice queen.

If you’re at all familiar with this blog, you may have figured already that I am an aspiring writer.  Specifically, my focus is on screenwriting, so every couple weeks I get together with a group of fellow writers to go over each other’s scripts, talk about new ideas we’ve had, and just shoot the shit.  Now, I’ve been in this group for nearly 4 years and although they know that I’m gay, they didn’t know that I’m a rice queen. (You’d think the fact that each of my scripts includes an obligatory hot shirtless Asian would have been a tipoff.)

And no, I didn’t write G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, but I thank whoever did

These writers meetings are occasionally held at my apartment where in the course of the past 12 months I’ve lived with 3 different Asian guys. Finally, one of my writer friends was compelled to very tastefully draw attention to the pattern of my homosexual Asian cohabiters and politely ask if there were any sort of particular explanation.  It went something along the lines of “Dude, what’s with all the Gaysians?  Is this like some kind of fetish?”

Oh boy…  My mind was racing for the simplest way to satisfy his curiosity without spawning a whole new line of questioning.   I felt like a Catholic being asked to explain to a Jew how the holy trinity is still monotheistic… It could have gone on for hours and only ended in me coming off as some semantic wizard and him walking away confused.

Yes, I like Asian guys, but a fetish implies objectification which I find offensive when used with whole groups of people. Well yeah, I’ve really only ever dated Asian guys, but I’m not like those creepy old white guys who have young “boyfriends” in Thailand, although I’ll acknowledge that in the broadest terms, we do share a common object of desire. No, I don’t mean Asian guys are “objects” – it’s just a phrase!

I knew the longer my internal debate drew on, the more awkward any response would appear, so I spouted out the most concise thing I could think of:

“You should just check out my blog sometime.”

The key word there was “sometime” – as in, hopefully-by-the-time-you-get-home-you’ll-have-forgotten-we-had-this-conversation sometime.  But I knew perfectly well that you can’t give a juicy web address like to a man with a laptop in hand and expect anything but for him to check it out that second.

I immediately regretted it.

What had I just admitted to?  What would they think of me?  I started to turn red with preemptive embarrassment.  But in that moment of fear, it occurred to me that it wasn’t the content of the blog that I found most embarrassing… it was the lack of content.

As the site loaded and my friends began scrolling through the headlines and photos while laughing hysterically at my expense, I made no disclaimers or apologies about the blog’s riceyness or queenyness, but instead began doing damage control for why the most recent blog post was over three months old.

My internet’s been acting up, you can’t blog without the internet, right?  Oh, and my laptop is really old and the fan is starting to go and the air conditioner in my room is broken and the horrible property managers never fix anything in a timely manner, I wouldn’t want my hard drive to melt.  But don’t worry, I have soooo many ideas, I just couldn’t pick one to write next, I need to think about it a bit longer, so technically I have been blogging… in my brain.

I stopped short of “the dog ate my blog post” and finally admitted that laziness, plain and simple, was the real reason the blog hadn’t been updated in months.

“Hasn’t been updated in months?  Sounds like a blog to me!” was his response which actually made me feel a little better.  Then another group member brought up that he too had a blog that he hadn’t updated in almost a year – that made me feel even better. As we laughed about how blogs usually start off with a bang then wane down, I was feeling pretty good about my blog own again.  I wasn’t a bad blogger, I was the very definition of a blogger!

And suddenly, that’s what scared me the most.

For months, every time somebody subscribed to the blog, posted a comment, or sent me an email, I was wracked with guilt about not having written anything new.  Then, in the course of this one group meeting – a group I’m in because I  want to be a professional writer – I had accepted that not writing was satisfactory behavior.

If I’m gonna be any sort of writer worth his salt, I should damn well be capable of a few hundred words of gay entertainment more often than once in 4 months.  Heck, the writers of Glee produce a whole hour of gay entertainment every week.

I could write this show!

Whether screenwriting or blogging, I write for an audience, which is why I want to sincerely thank everyone who has read, commented,  subscribed to, posted on Facebook, or even just skimmed through the pictures on this site.  Without all of you, this blog would be nothing more than my private diary (and I haven’t updated that in years).  I feel like I owe you all an apology for disappearing, but more importantly I owe you a promise of regular content in the future.

A lot will happen in my life in the next 140 days… and I’ll be right here blogging about it.



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9 Responses to Coming Out as a Rice Queen

  1. bill65tad says:

    don’t be so hard on yourself. your writing is insightful and entertaining. i’ll be back.

  2. I cracked up when I read your post about “coming out.” I, too, have recently declared myself an official rice queen, to which my friends said ‘duh, really? [imagine sarcastic glance].’ Although, I date African American and Latino men as well, I would ditch them all for a beautiful Asian man. I also have a problem with the ‘lecherous old white guy’ thing. I prefer Asian men close to my age (44) and even then because Asian men can look much younger than they are, I still feel self-conscious if they look like they’re 23. But, I have not been with that many Asian men. I live in Southern California and most of the Asian men I meet out are attached to the stereotypical older (sometimes rich) white guy. Sometimes I wonder what makes this such a taboo concept, I look at it like preferring blonds over brunettes. I don’t want a man who acts like a ‘geisha’, I really want him to be a man – and I’ve found Asian men who were rugged, manly and not built like a broomstick (and they are hot!). It’s nice to find an outlet to hear from other guys. Keep up the good work, I enjoy your insight and thoughts.

  3. NiLoC says:

    i thank god (or evolution) for rice queens,… because without rice queens i think i would still be single and a “desperate housewife” right now…. i have met a rice queen who is 31yrs my senior… and the weird thing is… the age gap is really not an issue… (well… not yet of course)…

    id like to think that i am nick and he is my MARIAH… or maybe i am ashton and he is my DEMI..? oh wait.. i have a good one…. i am CELINE and he is my rene angelil’ (yes that ancient santa clause looking husband of hers)

    i know there is alot of stigma and stereotyping with the whole young asian guy and old white sugar daddy but thats just a stigma even i have to accept…because usually … that’s just the case!

  4. gjc15 says:

    I need advice from one rice queen to another 🙂
    where would you recommend I go in NY to meet someone?
    i know your from Cali but i was hoping you might be able to help me
    thanks 🙂

    • My advice: Find a rice queen or a potato queen who is in a relationship, and ask them.

      If you ask a single rice queen, he may lead you astray to keep away the competition, if you ask a potato queen, you run the risk of him being into you, and therefore he wouldn’t recommend the place where all the real hotties are.

      Last time I was in NYC I met a couple friends who showed me RockIt and Greenhouse which had more than enough cuties. The Web is supposedly the club for “Asians and their Admirers” but absolutely EVERYBODY I asked about it has said it sucks now and to never go there.

      Final bit of help, you can check out this Facebook group called “The Rice & Rice Queen” which was started by a friend of mine in NYC and has a lot of New Yorkers who might be able to help you out more than I! Here’s the link (you’ll have to be logged in to Facebook):

  5. Sista says:

    Don’t stress, bro (even though I was one of the people making you feel guilty, which I will continue to do if you don’t update). You are related by blood to a girl who not only didn’t update her blogs but was such a failure that she went in and deleted them entirely! Glad you’re back at it!

  6. gjc15 says:

    Thanks for the answer. i sent a request to join the FB group. i hope i meet someone nice.

  7. Rufio says:

    I love your blog. I think it’s filled with humor and humility and self-discovery. I applause you for owning your “persuasions” and not apologizing for it but understanding it. The fact that you are trying to de-creepify the stereotype of the RQ and humanize them (not that the creepy ones don’t still exist) is a perspective that most people don’t have on young RQ’s such as yourself. To have all this awesome material to write you must have some awesome little rice cooker in your life. Bravo bravo and BANGARANG!

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